Anti-Blackness is everywhere, even in Black spaces

If you are Black and find yourself cringing when other Black, poor folks are existing and navigating the world by taking up the little space it allows them. If their being loud and extra elicits a strong response that is not, “I’m glad I get to witness this beautiful joy”,

notice it.

If this is your response, be honest about the ways you do not love other Black people.

Remember that your family lied to you in order to protect you.

Granny didn’t tell you all her trauma because she ain’t want it to come back. She know reliving it is another monster. She wanted to protect you from the ghosts that would come after.

Family said if you were quiet, if you bent a certain way, if you learned how to “act right” in public, you would not die, they would not be embarrassed, you would not be harassed. You would be successful and when you turned 3, there would be no one putting electricity and phone bills in your name.

You saw those kids existing and wished you could move like that. That you could bend a bone and not break it, could lift a swing with pinky toe, do a backflip on cement and laugh full bellied.

You didn’t.

So you judged. You created distance, were short, shook your head. You shamed. Tried to make small. But they kept getting bigger until something happened and then you’d secretly smile when one of them got caught up. Were disciplined. Were killed.

You’d say you knew it under your breath while at their vigil.

The core of your offense was jealousy but it evolved into violence. Into anti Blackness. Into destruction.

Name it.

You thought/ think folks are unworthy of happiness and dignity.

You are angry because your parents lied. Because you lied. Because you wanted to say “finna” and “Ima be”. Because you thought picking yourself up by your bootstraps would hold you at night.

But they lied. You lied. Are lying.

Your “good” friends died too. Sometimes you witnessed it. Sometimes you heard about it.

You are selfish and dishonest and lonely.

You do not love Black people.

We are not monoliths.

We do not have to be one thing.

Do not do this to children especially.